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Monday, November 14, 2011

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I'm 26 years old and i went most of my life without ever peeing my pants. i have an extremely vague memory of being on a playground in kindergarten and possibly wetting my undies then deciding not to tell anyone about it, and i was wearing a skirt so there was no visible wetness for anyone to see, but my mom admonished me when i got home. if memory serves though i believe i just did that because i was so young i felt it wasn't a problem to wet myself if i didn't want to go to the toilet, it wasn't like an accident or anything where i just lost control of myself. so, that was the last time in my life that i ever peed my pants- then i did it two days in a row at the age of 26. you can't predict life.

basically, i fell victim to long stretches of highway with no place to pee discretely. my long time friend brian and i drove across the country last week, east coast to west coast. just because. it just seemed like a cool adventure, and we're both young and unattached so we pooled most of the money we had and just went for it. we took the basic route google maps provides, which is pretty much I-70 to I-40- this route will take you through pennsylvania, west virginia, ohio, indiana, Illinois, missouri, oklahoma, texas, new mexico, arizona and into California. a long, long trip! most of those states you drive straight across, and they are BIG! you can't imagine how long it takes until you do it, but it is an adventure. but let me warn you....

once you hit say, Amarillo, Texas and are getting underway on the haul along I-40, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A WAY OF GOING TO THE BATHROOM IN THE CAR! Its lots and lots of desert, long long stretches of nothingness, and no bushes or anything to speak of on the side of the road. basically the perfect storm for a girl with a full bladder.... i had no conceivable way of going into something in the car, and i couldn't gather the nerve to do it on the side of the road without cover. we were about 110 miles out of santa rosa, new mexico, our next scheduled stop to sleep for the night, and i had to pee so bad that i couldn't even feel the lower half of my body. it was just the feeling of having to pee 50 gallons from my mid section to my toes, i couldn't even tell i had legs it just felt like one giant swollen bladder....i couldn't feel it at first. i didn't even know i was peeing, but i felt a warm and tingly sensation creeping along my butt crack. then this incredible sensation of warmth spread underneath my whole butt and underneath my thighs. i still didn't feel the actual sensation of peeing, just my pants getting more and more soaked. soon it felt like i was actually sitting in a puddle of warm water. i looked down and could see the dark wetness spreading to the front of my pants and down my inner thighs to my knees. when i started watching the wetness spread thats when i first started to feel the sensation of the pee coming out, but it didn't even feel that relieving. i sat there peeing almost non stop for like 5 minutes until it started to wind down to a few legthy squirts, then a couple of individual drops, before i was finally empty and felt somewhat relieved. my abdomen actually felt a bit sore from being so stetched out for so long with my over filled bladder. but man was i just glad i didn't have to pee anymore...for a minute. somehow brian didn't seem to notice the entire time i was having a monsoon in my jeans, but i was absolutely and completely soaked, and i started realizing that it was no little accident, i had peed my pants really bad and totally destroyed the carseat. after a couple of minutes of me sitting there speechless over my ordeal he looked over to see that my lap was a much darker shade of blue than other parts of my jeans... all he said was "aaahh, dude! i thought it smelled like piss in here!" and he started laughing his ass off.....I'm glad he was amused. i just kept telling him to "piss off" as a joke because he's obsessed with puns. needless to say he made fun of my relentlessly.

we came to a gas station and a diner like 45 minutes after i peed the car (what brian said i did). i got out and my jeans were ridiculously wet. from belt line to my calfs there was no dry spot on the back of my pants, and my shirt was even wet on the back. the wetness wrapped around onto my hips from my butt too. i was visibly wet from any angle you looked at me, so there was no hiding it when i went into the restaurant to change in the bathroom. that was the first time i felt pretty embarrassed...i didn't care so much about brian seeing it. but yeah, it felt so good to wipe myself down and get dry clothes on. some annoying old woman waitress said "oh hey,ya feel better sweetie?" as i was leaving. coulda done without the commentary....

i got to the car where brian was attacking my seat with a variety of cleaners he got in the gas station- he looked at me and said "we should probably just get the whole seat replaced!"

anyway, we cleaned as best we could and just covered it with a plastic bag and some towels. i made the remainder of the trip to santa rosa accident free.

the next day after spending the night in santa rosa i found myself desperate to pee again as we approached the arizona border. it didn't take as long and i never felt so desperate as i did the day before, but somehow i just couldn't hold it in again. it was kind of like my bladder had been weakened from what happened the day before. rather than just feeling it kind of flow out on its own like the first time, i actually started to lose little squirts and fight to hold on, and i pretty much just kept peeing and stopping little by little, i never fully let go and peed. at one point there was a pretty long gush that lasted about 10 seconds but again i stopped it and continued to pee in spurts. finally i was done, and i was all wet for the second time in as many days. i couldn't believe it. i sighed loudly and said "well i guess i should buy diapers for the ride back east. " brian laughed and said "are you gonna pee the car again?" i looked at him and said "i just did. he just kept laughing and saying "you've gotta be kidding!" and called it "priceless. i felt like a real winner. i didn't care as much the second time because i had already been humiliated about it, and at least this time the seat was somewhat protected from the towel and the bag.

so that was a pretty fun roadtrip, and brian has told the story to every single one of our friends who we've met up with out here. so after a lifetime of making it to the toilet without incident, the theme of my cross-country trip has become me peeing my pants. I'm gonna have to make sure for the trip back that i don't do it again....and oh by the way, the most stressful moment i had during the ride after my second wetting accident...i thought i was gonna poop, too. but i worked VERY hard not to. even though i was still in wet pants on the way to find a place to change, i did not even want to imagine pooping my pants, and i was starting to have to go pretty bad, but we got to a rest area before it got out of hand. i was probably more paranoid than anything because of my two wetting accidents...but i am very glad i did not poop myself as well.

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