http://www.xxxhunter.co.uk
“Devil take this traffic!” growled Nathan Garrett as he stared at the rain-blurred brake lights of the SUV sitting just two feet in front of the front bumper of his green ’95 Oldsmobile. “What’s the goddamn hold-up?”
“Probably an accident,” said his sixteen-year-old daughter Megan, who was sitting next to him in the passenger seat. Slim and pretty, she was the apple of her father’s eye, particularly since her mother had passed away eighteen months ago. Her dark brown hair tumbled down to her shoulder-blades, and her winning smile and bubbly personality made her one of the most popular girls in her school. This evening she and her father were returning home from the state cheerleading competition, where she had, along with her team-mates, placed twentieth out of thirty-two high schools. This was partly due to her own error – a stumble that had thrown several of the girls off their rhythm. She was feeling miserable about this, of course, and she knew she would be cold-shouldered at school for at least a week by girls she normally considered friends.
Right now, however, something else was beginning to press on her mind. “Dad, can we pull off at the next exit and find a restroom somewhere?” she said. “I really need to go.”
“You’re kidding, right?” said Nathan. “The chances of us reaching an exit in the next hour are slim to none, I would say.”
Megan sighed and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She was really getting quite desperate – she was not sure she could hold out for an hour. “Perhaps the radio will have some traffic news?” she suggested.
“Good idea,” agreed Nathan, and he tuned the radio in to the traffic report. Upon learning of a pile-up four miles ahead, he cursed in disgust. “We could be stuck here a while,” he said grimly.
Megan squirmed. “Dad, I really need to go!” she said urgently.
Nathan watched the rain bouncing off the hood of the car. “You want to go out and squat by the side of the road?” he suggested.
Megan looked out at the miniature river flowing by at the edge of the road. “You’re kidding! I’m not going out in that! And I certainly wouldn’t ‘squat’ in view of all these cars.”
Nathan’s eyes lit upon a bottle of water that he had brought for the journey. He lifted it to his lips and drained the last of it. “Here,” he said, handing it to her. “Can you manage to pee in that?”
Megan stared at it. “No!” she said. “For one thing, I’m not a boy and can’t aim that well.” Then she shrugged and turned away in embarrassment. “And for another, I don’t need to pee.”
Nathan was startled. “Oh!” he said. “Well for heaven’s sake, if it’s a number two, I’m sure you can hold out until we get home.”
“But that could be hours!” said Megan. “And I don’t think I can!”
Nevertheless, she tried. But as the next half-hour wore on, and they moved less than a car-length, her desperation increased until she was clutching at her abdomen in pain. “Dad!” she gasped. “I’ve got to go!”
“I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do about our situation,” snapped Nathan, who had been getting more and more irritable as the time passed. “You’ll just have to wait, unless you want to go out in the pouring rain and take a dump on the shoulder. Why so desperate, anyway? You used to be able to hold on for a week or something.”
Megan bit her lip. For as long as she could remember it had been her habit to wait as long as possible before emptying her bowels – her doctor had called her a ‘classic anal retentive’, which was to say that she was a neat freak, pedantic about the damnedest things, almost obsessive about things being exactly where they should be … and with a tendency to avoid defecating until she could wait no longer. Her parents had thought that she was cured of this – they had taken her to a specialist after one-too-many accidents in grade school – but she had merely become more skilled in washing her soiled panties on the sly.
Nathan found Megan’s silence ominous. “Just how long has it been?” he asked with a frown.
“Um … a while,” confessed Megan. She writhed in her seat, clenching her anus tightly shut against the enormous pressure threatening to force it open from within.
“How long is a while?” Nathan inquired.
“A … week,” said Megan, grimacing in pain as a new pain began to build inside her bottom. “Or so…”
“A week or so?” echoed her father. “Megan, I thought we’d fixed that habit of yours!”
Megan gasped in pain – she could bear it no longer. “Oh Dad, I can’t hold it!” she exclaimed. It hurt too much to keep clenching, so she eased off a bit, and straight away the rounded tip of a thick, hard poo began to poke its way out of her anus.
“Well try!” said Nathan desperately.
“It’s no good,” moaned Megan as her anus slowly dilated around the emerging turd. At least it wouldn’t get very far – her bottom was pressed against the car seat and that, at least, would prevent the accident from being too severe, even if it did not prevent her cheerleading panties from getting messy.
“What … you mean you’re … having an accident?” asked Nathan in disbelief.
Megan buried her face in her hands. “I’m sorry, I can’t keep it in,” she said, and she began to cry as her poo met the resistance of the seat and halted, having come out barely an inch. Immediately the pressure began to build again, and Megan realized she would have to let some more out, or the pain would continue to grow. She raised herself up off the seat a couple of inches, and her poo started moving again, creeping out of her rectum and slowly pushing out the fabric of her panties.
“Well you can’t just sit there and let it happen!” exclaimed Nathan. “You’ll mess the seat! Find something to put under you, at least!” He reached forward and turned the fan up to full blast, hoping that this would help to keep the smell to a minimum. He did not dare open a window – the rain was pouring down harder than ever.
Megan turned and looked in the back seat, but saw nothing that she could put underneath her bottom. Sighing, she eased herself down on to her left buttock so that she could lift her left hand off the seat. She unbuckled her seatbelt and carefully took off her jacket, while her poo continued to slide out of her anus into her white cheerleading panties. If they had been regular panties, she might already have marked the car seat, but these were of a denser material, with a wide gusset, a thick lining, and rather more coverage at the front and back than her normal panties.
She lifted herself further off the seat and slid her jacket underneath her, spreading it out over the entire seat area. Thank goodness it was washable! Then she sat down – or tried to. But six or seven inches of her poo was now tenting her panties away from her buttocks, and if she sat down the poo would squish and make an even worse mess. So she planted her hands either side of her bottom and held herself a few inches above the seat, though she quickly realized she could not maintain this position for very long.
Nathan was shaking his head. “I can’t believe you’re messing yourself,” he said angrily. “At your age!”
Megan’s lip trembled. “I’m sorry Daddy,” she said, and then the whole misery of her failure at the competition, her teammates’ accusing stares, and now this new humiliation of crapping herself in front of her dad, and his anger at her, all ran together in her mind and she burst into tears.
Nathan sighed in exasperation. Then he looked over at the bowed head and shaking shoulders of his lovely daughter, and he felt guilty for adding to her woes. “Don’t cry,” he said awkwardly. “I’m sorry I yelled. I know you’ve had a bad day and I shouldn’t be making it worse for you.”
“I’m … s…sorry I’m having an accident,” said Megan through her sobs. Her poo was now bending in the middle, arching backwards while it continued to emerge at a slow but steady rate. This meant that the turd was now the shape of an upside-down question mark, but the more it folded, the more compressed it became, and when it began to fold sideways as well its shape became less defined – a firm, lumpy bulge that slowly stretched her panties further and further down towards the seat.
Nathan reached out and patted her shoulder. “There, there,” he said. “Don’t worry about the accident. I’m not really angry with you, I’m just … surprised, that’s all.” Then, as she continued to sob, he said softly, “There, there … just let it all out.”
He was talking about her tears, but Megan, still feeling considerable pain in her bowels, thought he was giving her permission to empty her bowels completely. “Thanks Dad,” she said with a weak smile. “I think it will help.” Then she held her breath and gently pushed, speeding the expulsion of her poo.
Her arms were tired, though, and she was reluctantly coming to the conclusion that she would have to squish the poo in order to make a little room in her panties. So she gingerly settled herself down, and grimaced as she felt the hot stickiness of her poo ooze up her butt crack and forwards along her gusset. Then, still feeling very full, she raised herself up and drew her legs up on to the seat, settling into a kneeling position so that she was sitting on her feet, with her heels well apart to allow plenty of room for her panties to bulge out between.
All this maneuvering had caused her to clench her anus shut, pinching off the poo, but now she resumed pushing, and her anus opened once again to allow her compacted turd to slide out into her panties. This section was very knobbly and hard, and felt rather painful as it bumped its way through her anal sphincter. It met the mass of poo already in her panties and was diverted forward, bending a little as it headed for her gusset. After eight or nine inches had emerged, Megan pinched it off and took a breather.
Her father had tucked his nose inside his shirt in order to avoid the worst of the smell. “Looks like the traffic’s beginning to move again,” he remarked in a muffled voice. “You’d better get your seatbelt back on.”
“Oh shit,” muttered Megan. Then she blushed at her language. “Sorry Dad.” She pulled her seatbelt around in front of her and clicked it into place, while still kneeling on the seat. She started pushing again, and more of the knobbly hard section began to slither out. Then it halted as a particularly wide lump reached the end of Megan’s rectum and nestled against the inside of her anus. Grunting with effort, she bore down hard, and slowly the lump began to stretch her sphincter out to a diameter of two inches … two and a half … three inches… Her eyes watering, Megan gave a huge effort and pushed extra hard. The giant lump slipped through, followed by several inches of softer poo, and Megan panted in relief.
Nathan turned up the wipers and began to crawl forward, following the SUV. He glanced across and noted Megan’s red face. “See this is what happens when you hold it in for a week,” he scolded her gently. “Why on earth can’t you go every day, or at least every other day, like other people do?”
A rope of smooth, semi-soft poo was now sliding easily out of Megan’s anus, to her relief. “I know, I know,” she said. “I just … I don’t even like to think about taking a dump, so I generally don’t until I can’t put it off any longer.”
As she continued to fill her panties with softer poo, the front end of the nine-inch lumpy turd had become anchored in the middle of her gusset. Its upper end was now being pushed slowly forward by the growing mass of soft poo, which was hitting the largest lump and spreading out every which way from there. When the flow of soft poo stopped, the upper end of the knobbly section was positioned at the opening of Megan’s vagina.
Megan carefully unfolded her legs from beneath her – it was time she sat down again to make more room. As she gently lowered herself down, however, her father braked suddenly as the SUV slammed on its own brakes, and Megan found herself sitting down rather harder than she intended. As her bottom hit the seat, she gasped in shock – something had just slid right up into her vagina!
Feeling rather sick, she realized that it must have been part of her poo. She lifted herself quickly off the seat, but unfortunately the poo did not slide back out – it was firmly lodged inside her now. Reaching between her legs, she screwed up her face in distaste as she felt her lumpy, squishy gusset. As she pressed against one lump, however, she felt something pressing deep inside her cunt. She shuddered – only about half an inch of the poo was protruding from her vagina – there was no way she could get it out without removing her panties.
“Are you okay?” asked Nathan. “Something wrong? Apart from the obvious, I mean.”
“No – no, I’m fine,” said Megan, blushing furiously. There was no way she could admit to her father what had just happened.
The rest of the poo had pancaked around her buttocks, with only that one large lump remaining pretty much its original shape. Some of the softer poo had crept forward along her gusset as far as her clitoris – she could feel it oozing between her labia, which was totally gross.
There was more to come, however, so she tucked her feet back under her and got herself into a kneeling position again. Then she relaxed her anus, and gently pushed once more. After a brief rush of soft poo, she felt the consistency change again – now there were some moderate-sized, but fairly smooth, ball-shaped lumps squeezing their way through her anus. One of them was larger than the others, and she grunted a bit with the effort of popping that one out.
“You’re still pooping?” asked her father, hearing the grunt. “Haven’t you, I don’t know, relieved enough pressure yet?”
“You said I could let it all out!” said Megan.
Nathan’s brow furrowed, then the light dawned. “I meant you should let yourself cry!” he said. “I didn’t mean you should let all your poop out!”
“Oh!” said Megan, turning white. She clenched her anus to stop further expulsions. “I thought … oh no!”
Nathan sighed, and then shrugged. “Don’t worry about it,” he muttered.
“Oh but I was in such pain!” said Megan. “It feels so good to get rid of it. I promise I’ll try to be better in future about going more regularly.”
“Damn right you will!” said Nathan. “Well I guess you might as well finish what you’ve started, if it will help you feel better.”
“Thanks Dad,” said Megan gratefully. “These panties seem to be able to hold quite a lot.”
Nathan’s hair stood on end. “No details, please!” he exclaimed. “I don’t want to hear it.”
Megan smiled despite herself, then her face took on a look of concentration as she resumed pushing. The poo that was now emerging was firm, smooth, and not too wide, and feeling it slide through her anus was almost pleasurable. She felt it curling around beneath her buttocks, adding a lumpy layer to the already thick pad of poo that was filling the back of her panties.
She pinched it off and slid her feet out from beneath her so that she could sit down again. This time, as she settled herself gently down, she could feel poo oozing all the way up to her waistband, not to mention further forward along her gusset until her entire pussy was cradled in the warm mess. As she shifted her position, she felt a little tingle in her loins as the ridge of poo between her labia stroked over her clitoral hood. This was rather nice, so she did it again, and smiled with secret pleasure as she was rewarded with another tingle.
As subtly as she could, she gyrated her pelvis, grinding her pussy into the poo in her panties. This had two effects: first, her clitoral hood was dragged back so that her clitoris was exposed and caressed by the ridge of poo, and second, the poo in her vagina was pushed inwards a little, which caused it to slide over her g-spot.
A little moan escaped Megan’s lips, and she hastily turned it into a throat-clearing. Her father glanced across at her, but he did not look suspicious. Forcing herself not to make a noise, Megan began to grind her pussy into the poo with a steady rhythm, so that the poo in her cunt slowly eased in and out, gently fucking her while the ridge of poo along the middle of her gusset lavished delightful attention on her clitoris.
Her cheeks flushed red as she felt herself approaching orgasm. She closed her eyes and ever-so-slightly increased the pace of her gyration. Soon she was unable to prevent her breath from coming in gasps.
“Megan, what are you doing?” asked her father suddenly.
On the brink of orgasm, Megan was shocked back to reality and her eyes snapped open. “Nothing!” she said quickly.
Her father said nothing, but frowned and faced forward again. The traffic was beginning to move a little more steadily now – he judged that they might be home within the hour if all went well. He only hoped that the rain would stop, so that he could open a window and let some of the smell out.
Megan was desperate to climax, but she did not dare to try the same thing again. Instead she let her anus open up again, lifted her bottom off the seat, and pushed hard, so that a long, smooth sausage of poo quickly extruded from her rectum and curled up against her buttocks. This was followed by a rush of semi-soft poo which billowed out from her anus and filled every available nook and cranny, smoothing out the bulge in her panties and surging forward along her gusset to fill out the front of her panties. As it flowed over her clitoris, Megan felt like she was being continuously licked by an immensely long tongue. Her nipples hardened in her bra and the flush came back into her cheeks, but she forced herself to breathe normally.
She continued to push until the front of her panties were bulging so much that a little hill had formed in her lap, over which was draped her short cheerleading skirt. If her father saw that … well, it did not really matter, since he knew she was messing herself anyway.
She reached beneath her bottom with one hand, and cupped the bulge in the back of her panties. It was worse than she thought, hanging down several inches beneath her buttocks. If she sat down now, her poo would splurge out of the legbands of her panties and all over her jacket. Instead she tucked her feet back under her, and knelt with her heels right at the outer edges of her buttocks, supporting little more than her hips.
In this position she let out some more poo – a series of soft, squishy lumps that merged with what was already in her panties and merely served to make the sagging bulge a little more huge. Still feeling extremely horny, she reached between her legs, under her skirt, and felt around for the tip of the poo in her vagina. It was buried now beneath a mass of soft poo, but she sank her fingers into the nylon-veiled squishy mass until her probing fingers found the hard, round end of the knobbly turd. Pushing it inwards, she quivered with pleasure as she felt it slide deeper inside her, then she let it go so that it slid out a little, then she pushed it back in. After just a couple of minutes of fucking herself like this, she was almost at her climax.
But then, “Stop playing with it!” said her father. “For heaven’s sake, what are you doing?”
Frustrated once again, Megan sighed and withdrew her hand. “I was just making sure my panties aren’t leaking,” she said.
“Oh,” said Nathan. “And are they?”
“No, they appear to be holding it all,” said Megan.
“Good,” said her father.
Megan scowled resentfully for much of the rest of the way home. The rain had slackened off over the past few minutes, and as Nathan pulled into their driveway, there was only a light drizzle speckling the windscreen. He stopped the car, switched off, and climbed out. On the other side, Megan opened her door and very carefully stepped out. Her skirt was splaying out oddly on account of her massively bulging panties, and when she felt behind her she realized with a sense of fascination that the bulge was actually sagging below her hemline. She waddled slowly indoors, anxious not to spill any poo, but as she walked she could feel her panties beginning to slip downwards. Stopping in the hall, she reached back with both hands and held her splayed fingers underneath the enormous bulge.
Her father turned to face her. “I’m sorry if I was a little hard on you in the car,” he said to her. “This must have been an awful experience for you. I should have been more sympathetic.”
“That’s all right Dad,” she told him with a smile. “It was my own fault for holding it in so long.”
“Well,” he said, a little awkwardly, “I just want you to know … you’re still my princess.”
She threw her arms around him happily, and he held her close for a full minute before drawing back. “Now,” he said, “you’d better go and take a shower.”
Megan nodded, and she proceeded to climb the stairs slowly, cradling her bulging panties in her hands as she went. Upstairs in the bathroom, she stripped off everything but her panties, then she switched the shower on and climbed in when it reached her desired temperature. Finally alone with her poo, she plunged her hand into the front of her panties, her fingers sinking deep into her mushy poo, and she masturbated furiously until her entire body was shuddering in the most intense orgasm she had had for a long time.
Lumps of poo were falling from her panties as she gradually came off her pleasure high, and somewhat reluctantly she pulled them down to her ankles and stepped out of them. Washing all the poo from her bottom and pussy, she stepped on all the lumps with her bare toes and mashed them into a liquidy mess, which she then swept towards the plughole.
It was not until she was nearly clean that she remembered the poo still in her vagina. She was about to take it out, when a delightfully wicked thought occurred to her: why not leave it in?
She finished washing herself, then she climbed out and dried herself very carefully, using toilet tissue to mop up the brown water which kept trickling down her inner thighs. Eventually this trickle stopped, and, wrapping herself in a towel, she brushed her teeth and dried her hair. Then she went back to her room, dropped the towel, and pulled out a fresh pair of panties. These were white silk, much prettier and skimpier than her cheer panties, and she put them on with a contented smile. Climbing into bed, she switched off her bedside light, turned on to her side in a semi-foetal position, and snuggled up to her favourite teddy bear, which she had had since she was six years old.
She could feel her knobbly poo still buried inside her vagina, and it felt heavenly. As she gradually drifted toward sleep, it vaguely occurred to her that her bowels were not quite empty yet. Smiling to herself with her eyes closed, she relaxed her anus and pushed. A soft poo, about an inch and a half in diameter, started snaking its way out of her rectum and into the back of her panties, and she sighed with pleasure at the sensation. Not firm enough to hold its shape very well, it curled up and squished together slightly into a soft, lumpy mass which, once fully expelled, slid partially down over one buttock. This did not feel very comfortable, so she reached back and pressed it between her buttocks again, and a little into her pussy. Then, sensing that there was perhaps a little more yet, she pushed as hard as she could. Sure enough another poo, slightly firmer and thicker, began to emerge. Megan pushed it out with steady pressure, using her hand to guide it along her gusset as it inched further and further forward. By the time it broke off, its tip was pressing nicely against her clitoris.
One last, long push filled the back of Megan’s panties with a shapeless mass of very soft poo, and, lying thus with her buttocks and pussy cradled in a delightful warm soft sticky embrace, she finally drifted off to sleep.
THE END
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Thursday, June 23, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
The Lost Soul by Just A Guy on Mon Mar 23, 1998
Fact: when you light your farts it burns the smell
So now it was Trevor's turn..he waved away her fart smell to let some air ..just in case his fart would leave a smell..and then took the lighter up to his ass and then lit . Feert whoosh...Suzy laughed "you fart like a girl" Trevor crinkled his eyebrows and said "just warming up" they both looked to Bob.."Bob its your turn" said Suzy..but Bob was passed out.."Looks like it's you and I" said Trevor..and then Suzy with evil grin and let out a little wind...and said "You're on" Trevor went ahead and let another one loose into the lighter...Whooooosh
"Not bad Trev, But try this one on for size" she pulled up her skirt to expose her panties and then said 'allow me" grabbed the lighter out of Trevor's hand and put it up her ass...then BRRRRAAPPWHOOOOOOOSH "damn" said Trevor...thats nothing....but then a little bit of her smell reached his nose...."pugh, that one stank, girl"..said Trevor..." I'm telling you Trev..the beer gives it the nice stinky smell"
Then Trevor grabbed the lighter and squeezed out a ppt..but no whoosh.. Suzy just laughed...Trevor was now determined...then Suzy lit one towards him.. Ferwhoosh "thats just a little one..oh a big one to you Trev" Suzy said. Trevor was squeezing and squeezing to build up a giant one..he would not let this girl get the best of him......then all of a sudden he felt it..the big one..this one would light up the whole back yard...Trevor said.."Suzy hand me the lighter please" then pulled down his pants and underwear and put the lighter up there..and felt it build up....(instead of sound affects..I'll explain) The backyard lit up ..it was like lightning...the sound broke the sky...Suzy ducked low..it was beutiful..scientist belive that this was the day in history that the night turned to day in a matter of seconds...it gave the ambiance of the end..was it a comet? was it a ufo? no it was a big ball of fire and behind that was good ole happy Trevor and underneath was Suzy with a frown...the flame was dying down..then from the impact it swooped up Trevors colon..and his guts exploded...BOOOM!!!
Goodbye Trevor.
Trevor felt nothing he was floating in a mass of darkness...am I blind? His emotions were at ease..he just knew he was floating..he began to build up.."Oh my God" said Trevor "I'm dead" he began to float a bit more..the only thing he noticed besides bliss was that he smelled real bad....he couldn't handle it..then he noticed a tunnel of light..and his soul was floating in a quicker pace to that light hole in the distance.. Meanwhile Suzy as she was sobering up..was trying to wake Bob up "Bob, Trevor is dead wake up" But Bob was passed out..he was on Tilt. Suzy felt a bit more gas in her..so she figured a way to wake up Bob..she pulled her panties down and put a lighter to her ass and pointed her ass to Bobs face..and began to squeeze
Trevor was reaching the tunnel in a fast pace it was magnificent..it was like a roller coaster ride faster then ever..even the one at the local fair...."I'm going to heaven" then the light got bigger and brighter....and then he shot through
WHOOOOSH.."Hell?'
The end
Sunday, June 19, 2011
The Ride From Hell By Kan on Mon Jan 4, 1999
"This is what I mean," she hissed. "Until I get off on your face by doing this!!!" The kid heard a horrible rumble and then felt a huge, warm rush of air blast directly up his nose. Beth farted long and deep, the thick stench of last night's cabbage and rice dinner steaming into his brain. He screamed and tried to buck free,but she punched his nuts again and again until he quieted down. She laughed and farted again, almost overcome by the stench she was putting out. "Christ, that IS bad, it must be agony from where you are!" she laughed. The kid was gagging from the smell and the fact that her creamy right asscheek was burying his mouth, the other his eyes.
She lifted her right leg a bit to let him suck in some air to survive, then draped it over his mouth again, choking him. "Here's all the air you need," she hissed. "Don't mind the chunks!" Beth farted again,loudly and this time wetly, a sheet of drizzly shit boring up his nose on the wings of 100 mph ass gas. The kid cried, but the tears couldn't come out, they were held tight into his eyes by the fierce press of Beth's ass meat. "Almost there....there...." Beth growled dreamily, gyrating her stinky ass, farting on his nose and rubbing her hairy pussy with one hand, the other on the wheel. Then she came, long and hard and facesat him so brutally rough he passed out. She laughed and let him go, pulling him to a sitting position and allowing him to come around.
Just before he was fully away, she pulled him back down, facefirst into her pussy from the side, his head just clearing the steering wheel as she drove. She hitched up a specially made harness from the seat back that fit over the top of his head and held his face firm to her smelly pussy. And smell it did. She hadn't bathed in the last few days. Then there was that string.
"See that?" she laughed as she felt him squirm in the harness as he came around. "I'm having my period. If you're careful, you can lick my clit and make me come without getting yourself messy. But if you don't...well, you know..." The kid knew and resisted, but Beth leaned over and yanked his cock and nuts, which she'd freed from his tight jeans as he was out. She also farted again and again, the wall of stench rising up between her pussy lips and washing over his face. The kid cried - and stuck his tongue out, trying to ignore the cheesy milk wadded up between Beth's excessively hairy pussy lips. He lapped at her cunt mound and she moaned. "Make me cum, slave, or I'll kill you in my farts," she hissed. She came, hard and fast, snapping her hips and damn near breaking his neck as his head was forced to go along for the ride in the constraint of the harness.
When she finished, she reached down and started pulling out the string. "NOOOOOOOO!!!" he screamed. "Too bad," she giggled. She yanked out the bloody tampon and wiped his face with it before stuffing it up a nostril. Quickly undoing the harness, she rammed his head under her ass again, as she first had it, but this time burying his mouth in the bloody mulch of her cheesy cunt, forcing him to lick the gooey gash clean. "Hey, at least you can breathe this time," she laughed, rubbing her pussy with her free hand, forcing more cuntal gel into his mouth which he had to swallow or die. Beth rode his face to a half dozen more orgasms, finally reaching over to stroke his cock to life.
"You've earned this," she sighed. And as she jacked his stiffening cock, smiling at the honks of passing truckers who could see down into her car at what was going on, she came again, all over his bloody face, farting all the while, adding a tangy mix of shitty air to the cheesy stench of her foul pussy. The kid was far from horny, but as Beth expertly milked his cock and nuts in one hand, pumping the base and rubbing his prostate, he gave up a monster load. She aimed the jetting cockhead up toward her legs and a thick arch of spunk ribboned over her top thigh and landed in the vee of her punishing legs, coating his face. She jacked him to completion and then used the same hand to rub all his cum into his mouth and the nostril not still occupied by her bloody tampon. She came one last time with a clench of ass and thigh that smothered him out. She pulled over in a secluded rest area and rolled him out, laughing as he lay snoring in the bushes, his face white with come and red with her blood. Just for the helluva it, she slipped out and squatted over his face, taking his nose deep into her hairy shit chute. "Ahhhhhhhhhh..." she hissed, letting out a wet, sibilant fart that rocketed directly into his brain tissue and had the misfortune, for him, of waking him up to smell where he was. He screamed in agony, and rolled away,desperately rubbing his face into leaves and dirt to get the stink off. "Thanks for the lift," Beth laughed, jumping into her car and driving off.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Farting Women Of The Amazon By ms. farty pants on Thu Jan 28, 1999
http://www.xxxhunter.co.uk
Deep within the amazon forest lived a tribe of women, who due to circumstances within their lives hated men more than anything in their world. For their fathers years before had exiled them to this forest to die so they would not have to supply their dowry. The leader of this group of women was named The Fart Goddess of War, she with her band of women soldiers roamed the land and wrecked havoc on all men who got in their way.....
Dr. A. Hole and his four colleges, roamed the Amazon forest looking for some trace of the elusive band of women, who have been killing off the men of the forest for years. Led by their trusty guide, they have been looking for weeks for some trace of them.
" Dr. Hole this has to be a hoax, we have been here weeks and not a sign of them" exclaimed Dr. M Anus, his fellow colleges Dr. I M Abutt and Dr. J Fartman nodded in agreement. But Dr. Hole ignored them for deep in his heart he just knew that they would find these women and put a stop to them for good. They struggled through the dense underbrush for miles before coming to a suitable place to camp. " We will stop here" said their guide. "Its about time" the Dr's grumbled Just then a high pitched sound came eerily along on the wind and an offensive odor with it. The men coughed and covered their noses with the handkerchiefs. Looking at one another they all wondered what the hell the stench was. " Smells like something died!" exclaimed Dr. Hole, " tomorrow we shall see if we can find it, it may give us a clue!" The other three looked at each other and sighed knowing it was no use to try to talk him out of it. They set up camp and then their guide left them to go find wood. Hours later the guide still had not shown up, and they stench on the wind was getting worse. "Where the hell is he and what is that awful foul smell!" gagged Dr. Fartman, looking out into the darkness hoping to catch a glimpse of the guides lantern through the dense brush. Suddenly the eerie sound came again and this time the sound was answered three times over! Terrified the men looked at each other
"What is going on here?" cried Dr. Fartman, looking at his fellow comrades."This is too strange" Dr. Anus said, looking kinda spooked "And what is that awful noise and smell that keeps wafting in on the wind!" Dr. Hole looked at the three men and told them to go and collect some wood for the fire, but, to stay close to camp and to stay together. The men started to protest but Dr. Hole gave them such a disgusted look that they went without saying anything more on the subject. The men began to walk into the forest but as soon as the trees closed in around them they panicked and in the process got themselves turned around. "Now what" cried Dr. Fartman, who then in such a panic took off running crashing through the forest leaving his friends behind yelling at him to come back that they should stay together. Faster and faster he ran yelling and screaming in terror till finally he couldn't run anymore. He dropped to the ground in a wrecked heap rolling to his back gasping for air, just then he heard the sound of a branch cracking and opened his eyes, to find himself surrounded by 4 of the most beautiful women he had ever seen.
The leader of these women had glorious long legs and the tightest ass he'd ever seen. He lay there in stunned amazement at the glorious site infront of him not for once thinking that he may be in danger. Suddenly out of the blue he sees a leopard skinned encased ass coming down on his nose and then heard a ppppppppppsssssssfffffffttttttt.....and that was the last thing he saw.
He awoke to find himself in a strange camp, he looked around and he spotted the guide, lying there green faced in a pool of vomit, dead. He started to shake in terror because when he realized that he had found the elusive women of the Amazon or rather they had found him. Dr. Anus and Dr. Abutt ran back into camp only minutes after Dr. Fartman took off, "Where is Dr. Fartman?" asked Dr. Hole "Thats what we came to tell you! He took off and we can't find him he's not answering our calls or anything." they cried looking panicked. "Well we will stay here with the lanterns lit and hope he can find his way back to us, there is nothing else we can do till morning" Dr. Butt exclaimed calmly.
The three Dr.'s proceeded to go to bed and try to get some sleep. Snug in there beds with their rifles close by the Dr.'s instantly fell asleep feeling secure that nothing would happen to them through out the night. The doctors awoke the next morning to the smell of something cooking, thinking it was the guide or Dr. Fartman having returned they crawled out of their sleeping bags and left the tent, the happy smiles on their face dying when they see the sight before them.
Sitting before the fire were four beautiful women. They looked on in amazement at the sight of them. While they stared they were jumped from behind by 4 more women and tied up. the doctors struggled but to no avail they could not escape. "Wwwwwhat's going on?" cried Dr. Abutt. "What are they gonna do to us!" " I don't know, but, we have finally made contact with the lost women of the Amazon!" exclaimed Dr. Hole excitedly. the eight women sat around the fire eating their meal, looking at the men and every so often one would let out a loud bbbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaapppppptt!!!! "Oh my god!" wailed Dr. Anus " that stinks!!!!!" Soon the women were letting out non stop farts, the air began to smell putrid and the doctors eyes were watering and burning. bbbbbbbbbbrrrrrrruuuuummmppphh, bbbbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaapppppppppptt, ffffffffffffffffssssssssssssssssssssttttttt!
On and on it went for hours, and the women continued eating. "What the hell are they eating?" Dr. Abutt cried out, gasping and choking on the air. Soon 4 of the ladies left and retuned within hours with the lost Dr. Fartman. "They've killed the guide Dr. Hole and I think they mean to kill us too!" " I am sure you are wrong," Dr. Hole said calmly " we will talk to them and tell them we want to help and I am sure they will let us go." The leader of the women was standing a short distance away and turned and started laughing a sinister laugh. "You will never leave here alive and nothing you can say will stop us from killing you!"
The doctors looked at each other and started screaming for help. but, of course, to no avail. They were miles from the nearest village and no one could hear them. The women tied the men up spread eagle side by side on the ground and then the horror began. One woman sat on each man's face and proceeded to let out a loud fart! Bbbbbrrruuummmpppphh! the sound echoed off the surrounding trees and mountains, "Nnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooo" screamed Dr. Fartman who had seen what had become of the guide. "Hhhhhhhmmmmmmmm this is kind of nice"exclaimed Dr. Hole with a Dreamy look on his face. Dr.'s Abutt and Anus began choking and dry heaving, "stop" they cried. but the girls continued to fart, bbbbbrrraaapppt! ppppppfffffffffsssssssssttttttt, bbbbbbrrrrrrrrruuummmmph, on and on came the farts never stopping for a minute.
The leader of the woman, the fart goddess of war, looked on as her band members farted on the men smiling and laughing. Dr. Anus went into a seizure and quickly a new girl sat on his face and let go a silent but God awful fart, pppppfffffffffffsssssssssssssssssssstttttttttt! The doctor gave one last spasmodic movement and then moved no more, his face was burnt from the potency of the woman's farts. Dr. Abutt began to scream and scream as he saw a bare butted woman walking toward him with a torch in her hand, "How does the idea of being burnt to death suit you", the fart goddess of war asked smiling. "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo," he screamed, struggling in vain against the binds tying him down. standing over him the woman warrior let go a steady stream of gas and passed the torch by it lighting the potent gas on fire, like a torch the flame shot out of her ass and onto the doctor, the air reeked of burnt human flesh, clothing and farts. The doctor jerked and screamed, then all was silent and he was no more.
"Stop this insanity right now," Dr. Hole yelled with a voice of authority. The fart goddess of war looked at him in surprise and anger, "Who do you think you are to be telling me to stop this?!" she exclaimed hotly, "You are in no position to be telling me anything and I think you shall be next!" Two women quickly ran over and one sat on his nose and the other on his mouth and all you could hear was the steady stream of farts as they began, bbbbbbbbrrrrraapppity bbbbrrraptt, bbbbbllllluuuuuuurrrrrrppppp, bbbbrrrrrrrraaaaappt, on and on they came and the doctor steadily began to move less and less till he was no longer moving. The women got off of him and smiled at one another. "Now for you," smiled the fart goddess of war, and she walked over to where Dr. Fartman lay crying, and squatted on his face and let go a fart that was so loud and powerful that the trees shook and the leaves blew off, bbbbbbbrrrrruuuuuummmmmppppppphhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and the last poor doctor's head was blown to pieces, splattering into the wind.
Dr. A. Hole and his four colleges, roamed the Amazon forest looking for some trace of the elusive band of women, who have been killing off the men of the forest for years. Led by their trusty guide, they have been looking for weeks for some trace of them.
" Dr. Hole this has to be a hoax, we have been here weeks and not a sign of them" exclaimed Dr. M Anus, his fellow colleges Dr. I M Abutt and Dr. J Fartman nodded in agreement. But Dr. Hole ignored them for deep in his heart he just knew that they would find these women and put a stop to them for good. They struggled through the dense underbrush for miles before coming to a suitable place to camp. " We will stop here" said their guide. "Its about time" the Dr's grumbled Just then a high pitched sound came eerily along on the wind and an offensive odor with it. The men coughed and covered their noses with the handkerchiefs. Looking at one another they all wondered what the hell the stench was. " Smells like something died!" exclaimed Dr. Hole, " tomorrow we shall see if we can find it, it may give us a clue!" The other three looked at each other and sighed knowing it was no use to try to talk him out of it. They set up camp and then their guide left them to go find wood. Hours later the guide still had not shown up, and they stench on the wind was getting worse. "Where the hell is he and what is that awful foul smell!" gagged Dr. Fartman, looking out into the darkness hoping to catch a glimpse of the guides lantern through the dense brush. Suddenly the eerie sound came again and this time the sound was answered three times over! Terrified the men looked at each other
"What is going on here?" cried Dr. Fartman, looking at his fellow comrades."This is too strange" Dr. Anus said, looking kinda spooked "And what is that awful noise and smell that keeps wafting in on the wind!" Dr. Hole looked at the three men and told them to go and collect some wood for the fire, but, to stay close to camp and to stay together. The men started to protest but Dr. Hole gave them such a disgusted look that they went without saying anything more on the subject. The men began to walk into the forest but as soon as the trees closed in around them they panicked and in the process got themselves turned around. "Now what" cried Dr. Fartman, who then in such a panic took off running crashing through the forest leaving his friends behind yelling at him to come back that they should stay together. Faster and faster he ran yelling and screaming in terror till finally he couldn't run anymore. He dropped to the ground in a wrecked heap rolling to his back gasping for air, just then he heard the sound of a branch cracking and opened his eyes, to find himself surrounded by 4 of the most beautiful women he had ever seen.
The leader of these women had glorious long legs and the tightest ass he'd ever seen. He lay there in stunned amazement at the glorious site infront of him not for once thinking that he may be in danger. Suddenly out of the blue he sees a leopard skinned encased ass coming down on his nose and then heard a ppppppppppsssssssfffffffttttttt.....and that was the last thing he saw.
He awoke to find himself in a strange camp, he looked around and he spotted the guide, lying there green faced in a pool of vomit, dead. He started to shake in terror because when he realized that he had found the elusive women of the Amazon or rather they had found him. Dr. Anus and Dr. Abutt ran back into camp only minutes after Dr. Fartman took off, "Where is Dr. Fartman?" asked Dr. Hole "Thats what we came to tell you! He took off and we can't find him he's not answering our calls or anything." they cried looking panicked. "Well we will stay here with the lanterns lit and hope he can find his way back to us, there is nothing else we can do till morning" Dr. Butt exclaimed calmly.
The three Dr.'s proceeded to go to bed and try to get some sleep. Snug in there beds with their rifles close by the Dr.'s instantly fell asleep feeling secure that nothing would happen to them through out the night. The doctors awoke the next morning to the smell of something cooking, thinking it was the guide or Dr. Fartman having returned they crawled out of their sleeping bags and left the tent, the happy smiles on their face dying when they see the sight before them.
Sitting before the fire were four beautiful women. They looked on in amazement at the sight of them. While they stared they were jumped from behind by 4 more women and tied up. the doctors struggled but to no avail they could not escape. "Wwwwwhat's going on?" cried Dr. Abutt. "What are they gonna do to us!" " I don't know, but, we have finally made contact with the lost women of the Amazon!" exclaimed Dr. Hole excitedly. the eight women sat around the fire eating their meal, looking at the men and every so often one would let out a loud bbbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaapppppptt!!!! "Oh my god!" wailed Dr. Anus " that stinks!!!!!" Soon the women were letting out non stop farts, the air began to smell putrid and the doctors eyes were watering and burning. bbbbbbbbbbrrrrrrruuuuummmppphh, bbbbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaapppppppppptt, ffffffffffffffffssssssssssssssssssssttttttt!
On and on it went for hours, and the women continued eating. "What the hell are they eating?" Dr. Abutt cried out, gasping and choking on the air. Soon 4 of the ladies left and retuned within hours with the lost Dr. Fartman. "They've killed the guide Dr. Hole and I think they mean to kill us too!" " I am sure you are wrong," Dr. Hole said calmly " we will talk to them and tell them we want to help and I am sure they will let us go." The leader of the women was standing a short distance away and turned and started laughing a sinister laugh. "You will never leave here alive and nothing you can say will stop us from killing you!"
The doctors looked at each other and started screaming for help. but, of course, to no avail. They were miles from the nearest village and no one could hear them. The women tied the men up spread eagle side by side on the ground and then the horror began. One woman sat on each man's face and proceeded to let out a loud fart! Bbbbbrrruuummmpppphh! the sound echoed off the surrounding trees and mountains, "Nnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooo" screamed Dr. Fartman who had seen what had become of the guide. "Hhhhhhhmmmmmmmm this is kind of nice"exclaimed Dr. Hole with a Dreamy look on his face. Dr.'s Abutt and Anus began choking and dry heaving, "stop" they cried. but the girls continued to fart, bbbbbrrraaapppt! ppppppfffffffffsssssssssttttttt, bbbbbbrrrrrrrrruuummmmph, on and on came the farts never stopping for a minute.
The leader of the woman, the fart goddess of war, looked on as her band members farted on the men smiling and laughing. Dr. Anus went into a seizure and quickly a new girl sat on his face and let go a silent but God awful fart, pppppfffffffffffsssssssssssssssssssstttttttttt! The doctor gave one last spasmodic movement and then moved no more, his face was burnt from the potency of the woman's farts. Dr. Abutt began to scream and scream as he saw a bare butted woman walking toward him with a torch in her hand, "How does the idea of being burnt to death suit you", the fart goddess of war asked smiling. "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo," he screamed, struggling in vain against the binds tying him down. standing over him the woman warrior let go a steady stream of gas and passed the torch by it lighting the potent gas on fire, like a torch the flame shot out of her ass and onto the doctor, the air reeked of burnt human flesh, clothing and farts. The doctor jerked and screamed, then all was silent and he was no more.
"Stop this insanity right now," Dr. Hole yelled with a voice of authority. The fart goddess of war looked at him in surprise and anger, "Who do you think you are to be telling me to stop this?!" she exclaimed hotly, "You are in no position to be telling me anything and I think you shall be next!" Two women quickly ran over and one sat on his nose and the other on his mouth and all you could hear was the steady stream of farts as they began, bbbbbbbbrrrrraapppity bbbbrrraptt, bbbbbllllluuuuuuurrrrrrppppp, bbbbrrrrrrrraaaaappt, on and on they came and the doctor steadily began to move less and less till he was no longer moving. The women got off of him and smiled at one another. "Now for you," smiled the fart goddess of war, and she walked over to where Dr. Fartman lay crying, and squatted on his face and let go a fart that was so loud and powerful that the trees shook and the leaves blew off, bbbbbbbrrrrruuuuuummmmmppppppphhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and the last poor doctor's head was blown to pieces, splattering into the wind.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Bath time fun! By Lisa on Feb 27, 1998
Susan took the soap and began to work up a lather. As she rubbed, she began to feel pressure in her bowels. It was Bob's mom's steamed cabbage...it did it to her every time. Before she had time to react, a violent fart ERUPTED from her ass with a loud BLURT! Bubbles pored from between her butt cheeks and floated to the surface, where they popped just behind her. Susan groaned, slightly embarrassed. She felt her self blush, but she suddenly stopped. That was....exhilarating. She smiled and looked behind her. The tub was situated so that her back was to the door. She would have to be careful. Wouldn't want someone to walk in and catch her. The embarrassment alone would kill her.
When she was sure she was alone, she raised her right cheek a little and let out a large BLOORPT! She giggled again, watching her bubbles surface. She leaned forward and squirted out a series of tiny farts. Plooop...plooop..PLAP! Glub....BLAPPPPPPPP! Susan smiled. She never knew how.... amusing her bottom could be. Susan continued to push out fart after fart. She couldn't believe she was doing this. An idea struck Susan. She rolled over onto her elbows and knees, keeping her ass just below the surface. Her butt in place, she pushed. PHURT! Her blast caused water to fly into the air and land on the floor in a puddle. She had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing too loudly. Imagine... petite little her, cutting the cheese like some large animal! Susan submerged herself to just below her eyes... glub, glub, froop...plerp! The bubbles floated out of her bum, between her legs and to the surface just in front of her face. She watched closely as they burst, splattering water on her face. She wiggled he toes. This was so much FUN!
Then, Susan remembered the C.D player beside the bath. She enjoyed listening to classical music while she bathed... it relaxed her. Susan put her hand down and skipped to track 4.... The Blue Danube Waltz. Susan hummed along with it.... "Hmm Hmm Hmm Hmm Hmm ...Hm hm hm hm." The waltz continued... Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm Susan rased her right cheek and farted to the tune. BLURP BLURP...BLAP PLOORP! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm FROOP BLAT GLUB BLORT! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmmmmmm BLORF BLAPP PUOPTH BLUT! Hmm hmm hmm hmmmmmmmm BLOOP BLOOP FROOP BLORT! Susan kept up at this pace until the finish, and ended with a giant BLRputPHTTHTH.....BLOOOP! She fell back, exhausted and giggling like a school girl when she was struck with ANOTHER idea: put her legs up, squeeze her bum tight and let 'er rip! Just to see what it would do. A smile came to Susan's face She couldn't do it from her current position... the tap was in her way. She scooched around on her butt so she was facing the door. Her butt squeaked as she slid around on it. She gasped....the smile disappeared from her face. Bob stood in the door, mouth wide open. He had watched her "perform" the Waltz. Susan turned bright red and submerged. More bubbles floated to the surface.
The End.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Peek-a-poo story by I-Spy on Mar 6, 1998
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Yesterday, I was at school when I had to go to the college administration building when I an urge to shit. I then saw a full figured woman with a magazine walk to the women's room. I saw that she had a short skirt outfit that showed her ass really well, as well as high heels that went good with her legs. I waited until she went in, and looking to see if anyone was around, I followed her into the restroom. As I snuck into the stall next to her, she lifted her skirt and pulled down her panties, and sat down. I pulled down my pants and sat down too. She then peed for a while. Silence. Then, I heard her fart moderately and then some crackling of her shit as it slid out of her ass and into the commode. I then started to shit, but didn't fart. She farted again, and grunted as she let out another shit from her ass. It was hissing and crackling as it came out. She then started rustling the pages of her magazine as she sat there. The room smelled like rotten eggs as she farted again. She sat there reading for five minutes. I stood on the commode I was on and looked over the partition into her stall. She was reading and didn't look up to see me as I noticed her nice ass. She then farted again and let out one more shit as she grunted with all her might. She then got some toilet paper as I sat back down. She wiped about six times, pulled up her panties, flushed, and then left the bathroom.
I stayed in as I heard the cogging of her high heels get fainter. Five minutes later, I heard a pair of high heels get louder and louder. The restroom door creaked, and I could see an asian full-figured woman go into the stall where the last woman was. It sounded like she was in a hurry--she was as she pulled her tight pants down and sat down. Then, after she briefly peed, she farted forcefully and started to shit violently as she grunted. I heard all kinds of poop from the size of pebbles to logs crackle and plop into the commode. The restroom then really started to smell like rotten eggs. "Ooooh, shit," She said.
I later stood on the commode and looked over to see who it was. She was big and beautiful as she sat on her throne, staring at the stall door with her pants and panties around her ankles. Her ass was big and round. I really got aroused then. I didn't get caught as I sat back down. I heard her fart again as some more shit came out. She then got some paper and wiped about ten times. She then pulled up her pants, flushed, washed her hands, and left. When I heard her high heels stop clogging, I wiped, flushed , and then snuck out without getting caught.
THE END
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Yesterday, I was at school when I had to go to the college administration building when I an urge to shit. I then saw a full figured woman with a magazine walk to the women's room. I saw that she had a short skirt outfit that showed her ass really well, as well as high heels that went good with her legs. I waited until she went in, and looking to see if anyone was around, I followed her into the restroom. As I snuck into the stall next to her, she lifted her skirt and pulled down her panties, and sat down. I pulled down my pants and sat down too. She then peed for a while. Silence. Then, I heard her fart moderately and then some crackling of her shit as it slid out of her ass and into the commode. I then started to shit, but didn't fart. She farted again, and grunted as she let out another shit from her ass. It was hissing and crackling as it came out. She then started rustling the pages of her magazine as she sat there. The room smelled like rotten eggs as she farted again. She sat there reading for five minutes. I stood on the commode I was on and looked over the partition into her stall. She was reading and didn't look up to see me as I noticed her nice ass. She then farted again and let out one more shit as she grunted with all her might. She then got some toilet paper as I sat back down. She wiped about six times, pulled up her panties, flushed, and then left the bathroom.
I stayed in as I heard the cogging of her high heels get fainter. Five minutes later, I heard a pair of high heels get louder and louder. The restroom door creaked, and I could see an asian full-figured woman go into the stall where the last woman was. It sounded like she was in a hurry--she was as she pulled her tight pants down and sat down. Then, after she briefly peed, she farted forcefully and started to shit violently as she grunted. I heard all kinds of poop from the size of pebbles to logs crackle and plop into the commode. The restroom then really started to smell like rotten eggs. "Ooooh, shit," She said.
I later stood on the commode and looked over to see who it was. She was big and beautiful as she sat on her throne, staring at the stall door with her pants and panties around her ankles. Her ass was big and round. I really got aroused then. I didn't get caught as I sat back down. I heard her fart again as some more shit came out. She then got some paper and wiped about ten times. She then pulled up her pants, flushed, washed her hands, and left. When I heard her high heels stop clogging, I wiped, flushed , and then snuck out without getting caught.
THE END
Sunday, June 12, 2011
........THE NO FARTING ZONE............................... by BOBA Fart on Sat Jun 19, 1999
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It first started with no-smoking sections. In America, restaurants would ask you "smoking or non-smoking" In France, they would ask "smoking or chain-smoking". Then one day, a British scientist discovered that smelling other people's farts causes health problems. The stage was now set for The No Farting Zone. It became against the law to fart in certain areas of the city. ..........so begins our tale.
Angela and her friend Jill are eating at a nice restaurant, when Angela grabs her stomach in pain.
ANGELA: Ooooo, my stomach!
JILL: What's wrong, Angela?
ANGELA: You know what's wrong. I got enough gas to fill a Good-Year blimp, but I can't let any of it out, because *SOMEBODY* wanted to go to a restaurant in a no-farting zone.
JILL: Hey, this is my favorite place to eat.
ANGELA: We could've gone to Boba Farts Eatery, where a woman can blast-off if she wants to, but Nooooo. Heck, Boba encourages women to fart with those 20 percent discounts he gives to women who fart while giving their orders.
JILL: I like Boba's, but the food their gives me too much gas. I think he puts something in the food.
ANGELA: Well anyway, I got to fart BAD!! I don't care what the law says.
JILL: Please don't, Angela. You'll embarrass both of us.
ANGELA: Oh, how is anyone gonna know? It's not like I'm gonna fart real loud, like that time at Pizza Hut. I'll let it out real soft, no one will know, I promise.
Angela slightly lifts her butt and eases out a soft fart.
BEEP!!! BEEP!!!! BEEP!!! BEEP!!! BEEP!!! BEEP!!!!!
A loud alarm rings out like an air-raid siren. Angela's chair begins to vibrate. Two metal poles rise up from each side of her chair with red flashing lights. A big neon sign comes down from the top with an arrow pointing right above Angela's head that reads "THIS WOMAN JUST FARTED".
Then a feminine computerized voice comes over speakers throughout the restaurant.
SPEAKERS: To the woman sitting in seat 23 B, farting is not permitted in this area. Seat cushion detection devices indicate a .041 rg fart emitted at 5:31 p.m. This will be your only warning.
Angela sat there bright red with her arms crossed shaking her head saying "I hate it when this happens".
JILL: I knew you would embarrass us.
ANGELA: I am so friggin' tired of this stupid no-farting law. Crap!!! I got to fart again.
JILL: Don't you dare, Angela. You'll get arrested, remember Daisy Fuentes at the mall last summer.
ANGELA: I don't care. This law is total BULL!!! I'm not gonna play by their rules anymore.
Angela gets up from her seat and jumps up on top of the table.
JILL: Angela, what in the world are you doing?
ANGELA: Excuse me everyone!!!! Can I have your attention please!!!!
Everyone stops eating and looks up at Angela in unison.
ANGELA: Everyone, I have an anouncement to make......... I have to fart. I have to fart BAD!!! In a moment, I'm gonna bend over and fart in front of everyone here. But, there's this law that says if I do, I go to jail. Am I the only one that sees how wrong this is? What has our society become? Here we all are, stuffing our bellies with food. Yet, at the same time we turn our noses up at the reality of what happens to that food once we swallow. Everyone here is gonna fart the second they get in their cars.
Everyone looks around at each other suspiciously. Angela drops her pants and pulls off what looks to be baggy panties. She holds them up to the crowd.
ANGELA: You see these here. These are designed to cover up both the sound and smell of my farts. I know you've heard about these on the news. Some of you might wear them yourself. People didn't start wearing these until they passed that stupid no-farting law.
Angela pulls out a lighter and holds the panties over it. *FLICK* She holds up the burning panties to the crowd.
ANGELA: Here's what I think of their no-farting law......... BBBBBpppppppppppprrrrrrrrrrrrrrpppPPPPPP
Two weeks later, Angela is standing before a judge.
PROSECUTOR: Your honor, before you make your final verdict, I would like to show the court some video footage, that will prove that Angela is a constant violator of our sacred law.
The court room's video monitor comes up.
Here see is letting out more exhaust than her bike.

BBBBBBrrrrrrrrrrpppppppPPPPPPPPPpppppppppp [Image]
And here she is farting in front of a car full of children. Won't somebody please think of the children.

RRRRRRpppppppBBBBBBBttttttttttttt.......PPPPPpppppppppp
JUDGE: Angela, I find you guilty of farting in a no-fart zone. As punishment, for the next 4 weeks, you must wear a t-shirt that simply reads "I FART A LOT" everywhere you go, everyday except Wednesday, when you will wear an alternate shirt that reads "MY PANTIES STINK". Do you have anything to say?
ANGELA: Yeah, do you permit your wife to fart in bed?
JUDGE: My wife is a law-abiding citizen.
ANGELA: I guess you've never been around her at the ladies country club.
JUDGE: For further insulting this court, you must also do a TV public service announcement on why it's important to not fart in no-fart zones. I understand you're a super model. We can use your popularity to get across our message.
One week later Angela's service announcement airs on national TV. SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Hi, I'm Angela the super model. I'm here to talk to you about how you shouldn't fart in no-fart zones. You can't get away with it, look how easy they caught me. It then shows the video footage of Angela farting. The next day at Coprologist Fart Forum, someone posted "Did anyone see Angela's service announcement?" and explains what it showed. JAG replied "I always miss the good stuff"
THE END...........BOBA FART
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It first started with no-smoking sections. In America, restaurants would ask you "smoking or non-smoking" In France, they would ask "smoking or chain-smoking". Then one day, a British scientist discovered that smelling other people's farts causes health problems. The stage was now set for The No Farting Zone. It became against the law to fart in certain areas of the city. ..........so begins our tale.
Angela and her friend Jill are eating at a nice restaurant, when Angela grabs her stomach in pain.
ANGELA: Ooooo, my stomach!
JILL: What's wrong, Angela?
ANGELA: You know what's wrong. I got enough gas to fill a Good-Year blimp, but I can't let any of it out, because *SOMEBODY* wanted to go to a restaurant in a no-farting zone.
JILL: Hey, this is my favorite place to eat.
ANGELA: We could've gone to Boba Farts Eatery, where a woman can blast-off if she wants to, but Nooooo. Heck, Boba encourages women to fart with those 20 percent discounts he gives to women who fart while giving their orders.
JILL: I like Boba's, but the food their gives me too much gas. I think he puts something in the food.
ANGELA: Well anyway, I got to fart BAD!! I don't care what the law says.
JILL: Please don't, Angela. You'll embarrass both of us.
ANGELA: Oh, how is anyone gonna know? It's not like I'm gonna fart real loud, like that time at Pizza Hut. I'll let it out real soft, no one will know, I promise.
Angela slightly lifts her butt and eases out a soft fart.
BEEP!!! BEEP!!!! BEEP!!! BEEP!!! BEEP!!! BEEP!!!!!
A loud alarm rings out like an air-raid siren. Angela's chair begins to vibrate. Two metal poles rise up from each side of her chair with red flashing lights. A big neon sign comes down from the top with an arrow pointing right above Angela's head that reads "THIS WOMAN JUST FARTED".
Then a feminine computerized voice comes over speakers throughout the restaurant.
SPEAKERS: To the woman sitting in seat 23 B, farting is not permitted in this area. Seat cushion detection devices indicate a .041 rg fart emitted at 5:31 p.m. This will be your only warning.
Angela sat there bright red with her arms crossed shaking her head saying "I hate it when this happens".
JILL: I knew you would embarrass us.
ANGELA: I am so friggin' tired of this stupid no-farting law. Crap!!! I got to fart again.
JILL: Don't you dare, Angela. You'll get arrested, remember Daisy Fuentes at the mall last summer.
ANGELA: I don't care. This law is total BULL!!! I'm not gonna play by their rules anymore.
Angela gets up from her seat and jumps up on top of the table.
JILL: Angela, what in the world are you doing?
ANGELA: Excuse me everyone!!!! Can I have your attention please!!!!
Everyone stops eating and looks up at Angela in unison.
ANGELA: Everyone, I have an anouncement to make......... I have to fart. I have to fart BAD!!! In a moment, I'm gonna bend over and fart in front of everyone here. But, there's this law that says if I do, I go to jail. Am I the only one that sees how wrong this is? What has our society become? Here we all are, stuffing our bellies with food. Yet, at the same time we turn our noses up at the reality of what happens to that food once we swallow. Everyone here is gonna fart the second they get in their cars.
Everyone looks around at each other suspiciously. Angela drops her pants and pulls off what looks to be baggy panties. She holds them up to the crowd.
ANGELA: You see these here. These are designed to cover up both the sound and smell of my farts. I know you've heard about these on the news. Some of you might wear them yourself. People didn't start wearing these until they passed that stupid no-farting law.
Angela pulls out a lighter and holds the panties over it. *FLICK* She holds up the burning panties to the crowd.
ANGELA: Here's what I think of their no-farting law......... BBBBBpppppppppppprrrrrrrrrrrrrrpppPPPPPP
Two weeks later, Angela is standing before a judge.
PROSECUTOR: Your honor, before you make your final verdict, I would like to show the court some video footage, that will prove that Angela is a constant violator of our sacred law.
The court room's video monitor comes up.
Here see is letting out more exhaust than her bike.
BBBBBBrrrrrrrrrrpppppppPPPPPPPPPpppppppppp [Image]
And here she is farting in front of a car full of children. Won't somebody please think of the children.
RRRRRRpppppppBBBBBBBttttttttttttt.......PPPPPpppppppppp
JUDGE: Angela, I find you guilty of farting in a no-fart zone. As punishment, for the next 4 weeks, you must wear a t-shirt that simply reads "I FART A LOT" everywhere you go, everyday except Wednesday, when you will wear an alternate shirt that reads "MY PANTIES STINK". Do you have anything to say?
ANGELA: Yeah, do you permit your wife to fart in bed?
JUDGE: My wife is a law-abiding citizen.
ANGELA: I guess you've never been around her at the ladies country club.
JUDGE: For further insulting this court, you must also do a TV public service announcement on why it's important to not fart in no-fart zones. I understand you're a super model. We can use your popularity to get across our message.
One week later Angela's service announcement airs on national TV. SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Hi, I'm Angela the super model. I'm here to talk to you about how you shouldn't fart in no-fart zones. You can't get away with it, look how easy they caught me. It then shows the video footage of Angela farting. The next day at Coprologist Fart Forum, someone posted "Did anyone see Angela's service announcement?" and explains what it showed. JAG replied "I always miss the good stuff"
THE END...........BOBA FART
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