Bye, mom!”
Our green sedan pulls off the curb as my mother waves from the window. She shoots a furious glance at the plump woman with curly brown hair standing on the front porch beckoning me over.
“Chris, hon. That you?” The plump woman waves to me, her white apron hiding a grey sweatshirt and a pair of black jeans. Though a bit shorter and more than a bit wider, mostly in the hips, there was no denying her relation to mom.
The driveway gravel crunches under my feet as I make my way towards her, “Hey, Aunt Tina!”
She clicks her tongue, “That’s just like that sister of mine to take off without a word!” Her green eyes follow mom’s car down the neighborhood street. “No respect, that one. Never had any.”
The smell of fresh popcorn wafts through the open window of the single-story house. She leads me into a cozy kitchen, an iconic sign near the oven tells me to live, laugh, and love.
“Well! What do you think of my house?” A girl approaches from deeper within, her hair pulled into a ponytail.
She gestures wildly to everything and nothing.
Aunt Tina laughs, “Your cousin Stacie spent all morning tidying up. Said we couldn’t have you thinkin’ we live in a pigsty!”
Stacie huffs, earning a quick apology.
We’re often mistaken for siblings when we go out together. Today she wears a blue tee and blue shorts. Both covered in a thin layer of dust from cleaning.
“Hungry, Chris? Thirsty? We got sodas in the fridge and popcorn over by the oven, help yourself!”
I begin making my way towards the brown bags but the absolute monster in the living room blindsides me. The beast dwarfs the simple brown sofa and coffee table it faces.
“Pretty cool, huh?” Stacie steps beside me, a fellow admirer of the massive TV.
When I’d heard they’d got a new one, I had to see it for myself. Stacie and mom seemed a bit hesitant at first but a week of solid begging broke them.
“Let’s watch something!” I leap onto the sofa.
Or at least I think I do.
I hang in the air for a moment before realizing that Aunt Tina has me by the arm.
“Chris baby, watch out!” I follow her gaze to a small glass figurine. She pulls me upright with one powerful arm and plucks the tiny figure from the sofa with another.
Breathing a sigh of relief, she turns to my cousin. “Girl, you forgot to put grandma’s cherub back on the coffee table when you were dusting!”
“Oh, shit— I mean… I’m sorry mom! It didn’t break did it?” Stacie bows profusely.
The glass figure Aunt Tina prevented me from sitting on was of a strange baby. Kind of like a Cupid but without the bow and arrow. Had she said it belonged to Stacie’s grandma?
She inspects the figure before returning it to its place on the table, “It’s fine dear,” she leans over Stacie’s shoulder and whispers into her ear. My cousin’s face goes white and red at the same time. Like she’d just been told her fly is down in front of a big group.
She hurriedly steps away from her mother, “No… I promise it won’t happen again!”
“Attagirl!” She claps her on the back. “I’ll let the two of you have fun! I’ll be just down the hall if you need me!”
My mother had never said a kind thing about her sister, she hardly talked about her at all if she could help it. After seeing the look on Stacie’s face, I suppose she could be a bit scary.
A tug on my arm pulls me out of my thoughts, “Let’s watch a movie! You brought some, right?” Her earlier fear seems to fall aside as her mom leaves.
Dumping my bag on the couch, I sift through a few DVDs, holding the cases up like playing cards.
“You know it!”
The evening continues in moviegoing bliss as we watch movie after movie. It is just like being at a theater!
Stacie belches loudly, placing her 3rd soda and 2nd bag of popcorn onto the coffee table.
The little cherub now lives in a kingdom of sticky paper and aluminum.
“Wanna watch this one next?” As the credits roll, she holds up a cartoony-looking movie about a young girl and a blue alien.
I shake my head. “That’s a baby alien movie, let’s watch a real one!” Rummaging through my pack I produce a serious-looking movie with crop circles on the cover.
“It’s not a baby movie! It’s good!” She playfully shoves me, the sugar rush now in full effect.
I play along, “Is too!” I hold my DVD at her like a ninja star.
“It’s dumb!” She swats my case with her own.
“Nuh-uh!” I get crafty, pelting her with bits of popcorn left at the bottom of my bag.
She smacks the kernels out of the air with an artful swing of the couch pillow. Following through with a bonk on my head!
“Hey!” I grasp the cushion on my side and unleash my ultimate attack! Swinging wide I—!
*CRASH*
We both freeze. A series of quick thuds accompanies the arrival of Aunt Tina.
“What on Earth is going on in here?”
Taking in the destruction around us, it looks like a bomb went off. Nearly empty soda cans and popcorn bags were swept off the table in the fallout of my ultimate attack. The clean carpet is now spattered with sugary brown soda and greasy kernels.
There in the mess, was the glassy head of a baby.
“I can clean it up! I’m so sorry! I—” Stacie’s stammering trails off as she notices the cherub, or at least what remains of it.
“Who did it?” Aunt Tina’s face shown an unrecognizable emotion.
Neither of us spoke.
“I asked… who broke this?” She holds the statue up for us to see. The glass figure looked especially pathetic now. Just a headless fat baby.
She turns to me, “Was it you, dear? I just want—”
“It was me!” Stacie interrupts.
Like a wolf that’s just sniffed out its prey, she lost all interest in me and focused on her.
“We were playing around and he hit me with the pillow so I swung back but I… I…”
Aunt Tina’s smile scares me, her lips narrowing into a razor-thin line.
“My room. Now.”
Stacie’s eyes grow wide, “No! Wait, I’ll clean it up I—”
“Do not argue with me, young lady. We’ll worry about your mess later. For now, we need to go…”— her brow furrows, eyes darting to me before focusing back on her daughter— “We need to teach you some respect.”
My cousin’s eyes widen even more to white saucers. “You said you wouldn’t! Not while he’s here! You can’t—”
Skirting past the trash, Aunt Tina grips Stacie’s slender forearm and jerks her towards the kitchen.
She looks down at me as my cousin fights against her grip. “Would you be a dear and pick up these cans and bags? We won’t be long, promise!” She smiles another strange smile.
Finding my voice, I call out. “But… she didn’t... “ My voice cracks, I want to own up to my crimes. I was the one that knocked everything over. Not her.
I watch uselessly as Aunt Tina drags Stacie to the other side of the house, promising she’d clean it all up and even glue the statue back together along the way. Those pleas cut short by the slam of a door further down the dark hallway opposite the kitchen.
Incredibly uncomfortable and more than a bit guilty, I clean the cans and popcorn. It feels like an eternity passes since I hear anything, though it could have only been a few minutes. I gaze across the linoleum kitchen floor down the dark hallway. Being alone in a new house was never a fun experience no matter the circumstances and these were some of the worst. Creeping into the kitchen, I peer past the counter and see a sliver of light amidst the encroaching shadow.
Before I can stop myself, my feet begin moving towards it.
“NO! NOT THE—!”
My stomach drops as a sudden high-pitched plea rings out from beyond, silenced as quickly as it began with a dull slap. I find myself left alone with the silence again.
Not entirely alone, looking around I see family photos along the walls. My aunt and Stacie, smiling together with an older woman I don’t recognize. Further down the hall another photo, yellowed by time, depicts a small girl with curly brown hair and green eyes standing next to a slightly older girl with feathered hair. My mom and Aunt Tina. They stood on opposite sides of a domineering woman that looked to have been in her 40s. Her straight brown hair and piercing eyes seemed to stare directly into my soul. Was this my grandmother? I knew she must exist but mom never spoke of her.
Breaking eye contact with the scary woman, I realize I’m standing right outside of the source of the light. A slightly cracked doorway to a bedroom. A woman sits on the floor, the back of her grey sweatshirt faces me as she rocks back and forth on the carpet. My eyes follow the top of her head and down her back before I realize what’s wrong with the picture.
She isn’t wearing pants!
I instinctively cover my eyes, she wasn’t just pantless! My aunt wasn’t wearing any underwear either! I peek through my fingers to confirm my suspicions. Her pale bare bottom presses against the cream-colored carpet, like two fleshy water balloons sitting side-by-side.
“I told you what would happen and did you listen? No, you never listen!” She grinds her backside into the carpeting, enunciating each syllable in a singsong fashion.
Had she spotted me? I step away, preparing to run if necessary.
A strange feeling stops me, I knew it was wrong to spy on her like this. But I couldn’t help noticing the size of her butt! It was like in those pictures from the magazines they had to keep in the plastic wrap at the convenience store. Except none of those girls had a butt nearly as big as Aunt Tina! She’s always been a round lady, especially in the waist, but this was ridiculous!
At that moment, a strange color catches my eye. Where her backside met the carpet I notice a tuft of hair sticking out. Since when did Aunt Tina have a tail?
I stifle a scream. That’s no tail. It’s a ponytail!
Tied with a pink hair tie!
“I think you’ve earned a break,” The massive backside shifts, revealing the top of Stacie’s head.
My cousin, who I’d just been laughing and pillow fighting with, the one that took the fall for me when I broke the statue, was currently wedged so far up her own mother’s butt crack that only her ponytail stuck out!
*GASP*
Rapid inhales erupt from the girl on the floor.
“Through your nose, not your mouth! Don’t make me have to remind you again!” Aunt Tina commands.
*sniff sniff*
Panicked panting shifts to obedient sniffing of that assuredly smelly place. She sniffs till her breathing begins to normalize.
“Well? Anything to say for yourself?”
Is this the same woman that had made us popcorn? The nice woman that always gave me $50 for Christmas? I knew mom said her sister could be a bit strict but this was ridiculous! Mom would never do anything like this to me no matter what!
Stacie sniffled, “I’m… I’m sorry for breaking grandma’s statue.”
Aunt Tina lowers a bit, eliciting a sharp whimper. “You’re sorry and what?”
“Sorry and… not going to do it again?” There’s a confused lilt to her voice.
“You disrespected me in front of your cousin! You know, your grandma had a saying when I was your age. ‘Loose lips are better off pressed into a tight pucker.’” She reaches behind her back and spreads her massive cheeks.
My innocence vanishes at the sight, a few dotted flecks of toilet paper adorned the rosy interior of her buttcrack. A slightly darker puffy pink donut hovers over Stacie’s panicked face.
“Trust me, when my momma did this to me I hated it too. But this is for your own good.” She shifts, pressing the donut towards her daughter’s lips.
“No! It’s gross! I don’t wanna kiss—” The massive cheeks drop, engulfing Stacie inside before she could finish her sentence. The image of her green eyes going wide as her button nose sank into Aunt Tina’s stinking anus burned itself into my brain. Just like that, the room went silent and Aunt Tina regained her tail.
“Hardheaded as usual, you can stay in there till you learn some respect. We’ll try again in a few minutes.” She grinds back and forth till her cheeks touch the carpet.
I felt nauseous, I can’t believe she’d do this to her daughter! My best friend! I need to help, I need to save her from that nasty prison!
But I don’t know what to do! Should I call the cops or should I call my mom? Stacie’s muffled screams start as Aunt Tina holds her in place beneath her. She grips her forearms and holds them tightly over her bare thighs, locking her in place. Seconds pass as a pit forms in my stomach.
“Stop snorting into my asshole, girl! You’re just as wild as that sister of mine!” She shifts her massive backside around Stacie’s face.
“Where are your lips? Forehead, eye, nose… there we go!” She stops shifting and wiggles left and right.
She was talking about her sister. So my mom? Mom never talks about her childhood, maybe this was why? Did her mom do stuff like this to her?
Aunt Tina leans forward like she’s touching her toes. “Now that I’m comfy, how bout a little story about your Aunt Christy?” She laughs, pressing Stacie’s flailing legs flat against the floor.
“Lessee… I was about your cousin’s age. So your aunt was just a bit older.”
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“Tina! Get your ass in gear and come help your mother, girl!” Mom’s voiced booms at me over the radio.
I flop off the couch, knowing better than to keep her waiting. “Coming mama!”
Hustling down the hallways I can already hear the telltale sounds of big sis having a rough time. Rolling my eyes, I wonder what that good-for-nothing has done now?
The scene in Christy’s room reminds me of a wrestling match. Posters of cool guys stare down at mom and big sis going at it. Mama had Christy pinned by her shoulders, her hair now a disaster. Her black ribbon lay on the floor with a few strawberry blonde hairs still attached.
“Well? Whatcha gawking at, you idiot? Help me!”
Mom gestures to my sister, I nod and assume the position. Placing my knees on either side of Christy’s head, I make her look up to the ceiling just like we practiced.
“No! Tina stop! We don’t have to let her keep doing this! Push mom off! Help me!” Big sis looks up at me, her green blouse as disheveled as her makeup. I look to mama, trying to avoid her gaze.
Patting me on the head, mama smiles. “Glad at least one of my girls has her head on right.” Her smile vanishes as she drops her gaze.
“Dad wouldn’t let you do this to us!” Christy screams.
Mama unbuttons the front of her jeans. “While your father is off in ‘nam, I’m in charge of things around here. That means you will learn to respect me. I should think you know what that means by now. Hold her steady, Tina.”
I nod, keeping Christy’s struggling head between my thighs as mama kicks off her jeans.
Dull to seeing her like this during these last few weeks, I did my best to avoid looking at her privates. A luxury big sis wasn’t about to have.
Mom wastes little time after getting her jeans off. Placing a knee on either side of Christy’s chest she plops down on her mid-scream.
“I swear I just don’t know what’s gonna get through to you, girl.” She presses against my lap where big sis is struggling something fierce deep within her tanned backside. From my point of view, I could only see the top of her forehead next to mom’s cheeks.
“What was is this time, mama?” I used to feel bad for her but she was bringing on herself at this point. This was the fourth time this month she had to go in mama’s butt and we were all getting sick of this rebellious streak.
Mama spreads her cheeks a bit and gets comfy, “Mr. Florence called and said she’s been falling asleep in class again. Normally I wouldn’t care but the girl had the nerve to blame me! Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is having to promise a grown man that I can discipline my girls?” She grinds down hard as she enunciates the word embarrassing.
I gasp, “A call from the teacher?”
That’s as bad as it gets. One time Mr. Simmons called home about me skipping PE. Not only did she make me do the entire 90-minute exercise with her, but she also made me spend another 90 minutes soaking up her nasty butt sweat from it while she sipped a beer!
Needless to say, I never skipped gym again, unlike my dummy of a sister, I learned to respect our mama the first time.
Between my thighs and mom’s butt, big sis screamed every curse word in the book. At least I think they were curse words, most of it just sounded like gibberish into mama’s crack.
“Those disrespectful lips of yours would be better off pressed into a tight pucker, girl!” Mom lifts and gives sis a breather.
Looking down at my sister, her pretty blonde hair matted to her forehead and cheeks, her eyes squinted up at the light. They seem to adjust and stare in disgust as mama taps a finger against her backdoor. We all know just what pucker she’s talking about.
Christy snorts and tries to buck the two of us off, “You’re both sick in the head! I’m not like Tina! I won’t kiss your nasty asshole!” She spits up at me, a thin mist dusting my face.
That defiant little nose vanished right up that nasty asshole as she called it.
“Hard-headed as ever, just like your father. Why can’t you be more like your sister?” Mom smiles at me.
“Trust me you two, when you have brats of your own someday you’ll be thankful for your mama teaching you how to discipline’em!” I nod as big sis groans.
“Can I go back in the living room, now?” I ask.
She gives a thumbs up. “You’re dismissed.”
I knew she had her under control at this point and I had better things to do than sit around for this. I close the door as big sis starts thrashing around again, I hope she’ll snap out of this phase soon.
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Staring up at the stern photo of the woman in the hallway photo, I understood why mom never talks about grandma.
*sniff sniff*
Realizing I’d sat in rapt attention to Aunt Tina’s horror story, I forgot that my best friend was going through one of her own! Stacie’s sniffing echos throughout the room the moment Aunt Tina spreads to give her a break.
“Well, missy? Ready to do the right thing?” She coos.
Her voice barely audible beneath the meaty cheeks, “I’ll— I’ll do it. I’ll be good.”
“I knew I didn’t raise a fool. Trust me, when you have brats of your own you’ll be thanking me!” She sat upright, expectantly thrusting herself towards Stacie’s mouth.
“Can I just kiss on the cheek?” A hint of optimism in her voice.
The sternness returned to Aunt Tina, “You know where those lips gotta go. Ask another stupid question like that and I’m sending your right back up there nose first, little lady.”
“No, please! I’m doing it, I’m… doing it!” She whimpers.
Morbid curiosity getting the better of me, I crack the door just a bit more. Just in time to see Stacie’s lips come into contact with the pink donut.
“Oh come on. Again. Like you mean it.”
Stacie convulses beneath her, “What? No! I did it! I kissed your—”
Another meaty slap and she’s back between those cheeks.
“I gave you a chance. If that’s your idea of a kiss, I’m never getting grandkids.” She sighs.
Stacie’s heels hammer into the carpeting, now throwing a full-on tantrum.
“So disrespectful! Where are your lips, you brat?” She adjusts on her face, rubbing back and forth before stopping and dropping sharply. “There. Now, this is the kind of kiss I’m talking about. Pay attention!” Aunt Tina slid in a clockwise circle, rubbing her butthole against her daughter’s lips.
*THUD*
My heart leaps into my throat, looking down, I see the photo of the scary woman resting on the floor. I must have accidentally knocked it off the wall leaning in for a peek!
“Holy shit— I mean oh my goodness! Is someone out there? Chris honey, is that you?” Aunt Tina’s voice calls out to me but I’m long gone. My feet carried me in the opposite direction without my realizing it, I pray she had no idea what I just saw. I curse my cowardice for leaving Stacie back there. I could have been her hero!
Returning to the living room, I dive headfirst onto the couch and try to purge my brain of everything butt-related. Aunt Tina’s butt, Stacie’s ponytail sticking out of it, her lips on the pink donut, the nightmare story. Staring up at the monster television, I see the event on the screen! I shut my eyes tightly and open them again, it’s gone.
Minutes passed as I sit in stunned silence. My cousin, marched by Aunt Tina, emerges from the kitchen and sits on the couch beside me.
“See! That wasn’t so bad!” Aunt Tina pats her head.
Placing a hand on my shoulder, she looks into my eyes, “Sometimes mistakes happen. Stacie did the right thing by owning up to them.” Too afraid to return her gaze, I stare at the blank TV screen and mutter a noncommittal “Yes ma’am”.
After she excuses herself to the bathroom, an awkward silence like no other permeates the air.
I break it, “Thanks for taking the fall for me… you okay?”
She turns to me and smiles sheepishly.
“Don’t worry! It wasn’t too bad, she just put me in time-out for a bit. I’m fine!”
I suppose in a way she wasn’t lying.
She holds up the DVD I’d suggested before the pillow fight. “Let’s watch this one!”
The rest of the evening went by without incident.
“Chris hun? Your mama’s here.” Aunt Tina calls from the kitchen.
Stacie managed to loosen up a bit, but the hug she gives me as we part is still a bit awkward.
“Let’s… go to my house next time. Okay?”
She nods.
“C’mon Chris, let’s not leave big sis waiting. I’ll walk you out.” She stands by the door as I get my bag together. I say one more goodbye to Stacie before heading out onto the lawn.
“Thanks for letting me come over Aunt—”
“Let’s not tell anyone about what we saw today, okay? Not your mom, not Stacie, no one.”
I froze. She knew.
“I… I… Uh.”
She waves to mom while whispering, “If I find out you did, you’re going in time-out ne
